


Aren't We Just Terrified?

by ShiloBarns



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Kissing, Levi is Bad At Feelings (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi is In Denial (Shingeki no Kyojin), Light Angst, M/M, Rated T for language and semi intense kissing, eren is 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26966560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiloBarns/pseuds/ShiloBarns
Summary: Levi can’t hear anything past the ringing in his ears. He can see the blurry shapes and muted greens and browns of the other scouts, but he can’t focus on them. He can see the faint outline of someone crouching in front of him, but he can’t hear what they’re saying. Levi stares over their shoulder, not really seeing anything.orLevi is in denial until he almost loses Eren.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 8
Kudos: 217





	Aren't We Just Terrified?

**Author's Note:**

> Title from [ Roslyn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqCg4sIhyFc) by Bon Iver and St. Vincent.

Levi can’t hear anything past the ringing in his ears. He can see the blurry shapes and muted greens and browns of the other scouts, but he can’t focus on them. He can see the faint outline of someone crouching in front of him, but he can’t hear what they’re saying. Levi stares over their shoulder, not really seeing anything. 

They had been running tracking formations across the countryside. Everything had been going considerably well. The formation had held through forests and across rugged terrain as the sun beat down on them. Then a few titans had shown up, then a few more, and then an abnormal. Even Levi hadn’t seen it coming. It had only taken a few minutes for the group of titans to flank them on either side.

Levi and Erwin had sprung into action, ordering the outside ranks to go after the regular titans if they got to close. Levi had gone after the abnormal, but as soon as he had gotten close, the other titans had turned around and stormed after him. Eren had seen them move before Levi had. No one had expected it. No one had ever seen anything like that before. It had seemed to Levi like the regular titans were following the abnormal, almost like soldiers.

Levi had slashed down the nearest Titan before he turned toward the rest of them. Except, the Titans had turned their back to him. Eren had followed after Levi against Erwin’s orders. He had drawn the abnormal’s attention away from the Captain and to himself. The last thing Levi had seen was Eren getting swarmed by the remaining hoard. 

Levi remembers screaming after Eren. He remembers preparing to charge back into the fray. He remembers the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as Eren fell out of his line of sight. Levi remembers Erwin pulling him away, the rest of the squad having already started the retreat. 

They were now camped out at an old compound that acted as a rendezvous point, taking stock of the remaining scouts. Levi doesn’t remember how he got there. Everything had gone black as Erwin had started pulling him away from the hoard of titans. Now, Levi was just numb.

His eyes snapped into focus at the sound of someone dropping a crate of supplies next to him. Erwin, it was Erwin who was crouched in front of him. The commander’s mouth was moving, but Levi couldn’t focus more than one sense at a time. 

All Levi could think about was Eren. Levi knew there was no way the cadet could have survived that. A group of regular titans was bad enough, but add an abnormal who seems to be able to control the other titans? All of that against one measly cadet, but Eren wasn’t like most cadets. Levi’s hope hinged on the smallest possibility that Eren had activated his titan powers in time to run away. Thing is, if that was the case, Eren would have met them at the rendezvous point already. 

Levi snaps into focus all at once. 

“...Levi?” 

Erwin had said something. Levi focuses on the commander’s face. 

“Are you with me Levi?” 

Eren hasn’t come back yet. Eren had been swallowed up by the titans, and Levi hadn’t been able to do anything. Hadn’t been able to say anything to him. Hadn’t been able to tell him. Eren was gone and Levi had been stalling. They had been in a there-is-but-there-isn't-something limbo for months, but it didn’t matter anymore because Eren was gone. 

Levi doesn’t answer. He can’t answer. Everything is too loud. The cadets in the room scurry about, gathering supplies and tending to the wounded. With the return of his hearing, the shuffling and rustling morph into a cacophony of sounds, and any progress Levi had made over the last few minutes quickly reverses. 

The flickering lights of the lanterns slowly get swallowed by shadows, and the blackness at the edge of Levi's vision takes over. The last thing he remembers is Erwin scrambling to catch him as he falls.

* * *

Levi wakes with a groan. His head aches, his arms ache, his back aches. It even feels like his hair hurts from where it rests on his stuffed up skull. The light from the open window in his office falls directly onto his face, and the pounding in his head increases as his consciousness continues to return. 

“You’re finally awake, good.” 

Levi’s head snaps up and he groans again. Erwin is sitting slouched at Levi’s desk, reading through paperwork. He’s dressed in his normal uniform, sans the jacket which is currently hanging on the back of Levi’s chair. Levi tries to sit up, “What are you doing in here?”

“Waiting for you to wake up, and making sure you don’t black out again when you do,” Erwin sighs as he sets his pen down on the desk, turning the chair to face Levi directly. The look on his face is solemn as Levi starts to move again.

Levi sits up the rest of the way, wincing as he goes, “What happened?”

Erwin leans forward with his elbows coming to rest on his knees. “You went into shock when I pulled you away from the titans. I tried to snap you out of it when we got to the rendezvous point, but you ended up having a panic attack before you finally blacked out.” 

Levi’s stomach sinks and his head drops into his hands. 

“I need to know what happened Levi.” 

Levi wilts against the pillows even more at Erwin’s words. “You know more about what happened than I do.” 

“You know what I mean Levi. You’re not one to break down after a mission,” Erwin stands and crosses the room, “I’ve seen you come back from far worse, with barely a thought to what had happened.” 

Levi feels the air shift as Erwin stands in front of him. He drags his hands down his face and lets it fall into his lap. “Nothing happened.”

“Bullshit”

Levi looks up at that. Erwin’s face was stony before, but now he just looks concerned. Levi hasn’t seen him this concerned since Levi’s first years as a cadet. He takes a deep breath and says “I don’t know.” 

Erwin’s brows contort in confusion, “You don’t know what happened, or you don’t know why it happened?”

“I don’t know, okay!” 

Erwin looks taken aback by Levi’s outburst. Levi groans for what feels like the millionth time in only a few minutes, “I’m sorry. I just. I can’t concentrate right now.” 

“Well it’s no wonder. You’ve been out for a day and a half.”

Levi’s mind kicks into overdrive. “A- a day? And a half?” If it’s been that long already. Levi expects the worst when he asks, “Has Eren…”

“So he does have a part in this.” 

Levi’s question trails off. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not stupid Levi, and I’m not blind either.” The bed dips as Erwin sits next to him, “I don’t exactly know what is going on between you two, but there’s obviously something there.” 

Levi looks up, “I don’t even know myself. It’s just like, sometimes -” He avoids Erwin’s gaze as he finishes with, “It’s complicated.”

Erwin snorts. “You, humanity’s strongest, hung up on ‘complicated’.” 

“Shut up.”

Then, Erwin’s face falls, and what he says next washes over Levi like ice water, “Eren hasn’t come back yet. A scouting group was sent back to the rendezvous point on the off chance he was too injured to make it all the way back.” 

“When are they supposed to return?” 

“Today”

“Shit.” 

“Levi, I need to know that you can pull yourself together. I can’t have you breaking down in front of the other cadets if the mission comes back empty handed.” 

Levi isn’t certain he can. He’s barely holding himself together as of now. His last hope lies on the shoulders of the group of cadets now presumably on their way back to the compound. _Fuck_. He’s screwed, but he looks up at Erwin anyways, “I can do it. I’m not some green cadet anymore.”

Erwin’s obviously skeptical, but he stands anyways, “In any case, you should get dressed.” 

At that instant, both of their heads shoot towards the window at the sound of horses. Levi can’t see out of the window from where he sits, but Erwin’s face says it all. The scout group that was sent out to the old camp had returned. 

“Stay here.”

Levi blanches, “What?!” 

“Stay here, and get dressed. Don’t come out till I come get you.” Erwin starts to make his way towards the door as Levi stumbles out of bed. 

“What do you mean stay here?”

“I can’t have a repeat of what happened last time Levi, you’ve just woken up after being out of it for days.” 

“Erwin, I need to know. I can’t just wait here. What if he’s back, what if he’s hurt?!”

“Exactly Levi. Stay here,” with that, Erwin shuts the door behind him. 

Levi’s hands run through his hair as he pulls it in frustration. God, he’s a fucking mess. He stomps over to the window and sure enough, a group of scouts on horses pulling a wagon behind them approach the courtyard. _Screw Erwin_. 

Levi whirls around, looking for his uniform. Knowing the commander, it’s neatly folded on the chest next to his bed. His boots are placed beside it. Levi throws on the basics of his uniform, buttoning the last few buttons of his shirt as he stalks out of his office. 

He hustles down the corridor, along with the rest of the cadets headed toward the courtyard. The returning scouts are already pulling up to where Erwin stands as Levi steps outside. He stops at the back of the group of onlookers. 

From where he is, Levi can see Erwin standing next to the cart as another scout rounds the back of it. They lean down and lift something out of the cart. 

The scout lifts a _person_ out of the cart. 

Levi can’t see a face or any indication of life, and then the pair turns. There, with an arm slung over the other scout’s shoulders, is Eren. Eren looks up with only one eye open, the other covered by the blood streaming down his face. Levi watches as the cadet seemingly searches the crowd, and locks eyes with Levi standing in the back.

Levi’s body moves without him telling it to. He pushes through the group of gathered cadets and rushes into the clearing. Erwin turns as Levi breaks through the crowd. The commander catches Levi by his arm, “ _I told you to stay in your office_ ,” Erwin growls lowly.

They struggle and pull against each other as the cadet half drags Eren forward. Levi finally breaks away with a final tug and runs toward Eren as he starts to slip off the cadet’s shoulder. 

Levi catches him as he falls forward, both of them being pulled down by Eren’s deadweight. Eren’s hand shakes as he brings it up to cup Levi’s cheek, and a sob rips itself out of Levi’s throat as his forehead comes to lean against Eren’s. 

Then Eren’s hand drops. 

“Eren? Come on, Eren!” Levi’s words become frantic as Eren’s head lolls forward. The cadet slumps against Levi as Erwin appears at his side along with another scout. They attempt to pull Eren away from the captain, but he doesn’t let go. 

“Levi come on, you have to let go. We need to get him to the medics.” Erwin pulls Levi away as the scout untangles his arms from Eren’s. Levi slumps back heavily into Erwin’s grasp as he watches the scout pull Eren further into the compound. 

“All of you, back to your stations.” Levi barely flinches as Erwin shouts to the remaining cadets. His hand is still clasped around Levi’s arm, as he turns back to face the captain. 

“Levi…”

Levi wrenches his arm out of Erwin’s hand and turns away from him, away from where Eren was taken. He doesn’t listen as Erwin shouts after him.

* * *

Levi spends the next week avoiding everyone who has the misfortune to cross his path. He bounces between his office, the training grounds, and the occasional intervention by Erwin that doesn’t amount to much.

Only one full day passes until Levi finds himself heading towards the infirmary. It’s the dead of night, the only sound being the occasional howl of the wind and movement of small animals. Levi stalks quietly through the corridors, listening for any sounds of the scouts keeping watch at night. 

He reaches the doors of the infirmary and hesitates. Pressing his ear to the door, he listens for any sounds of movement. When he hears none, Levi gently pushes the door open and steps inside. 

There is only one occupied bed in the infirmary. It’s sole occupant’s steady breaths are the only sound echoing around the room. Levi steps silently towards the bed, pulling a chair with him as he goes. He drags the chair to the side of the bed but doesn’t sit just yet. Instead, he leans over Eren’s bed. 

Eren lays on his back, with his hands at his sides in the middle of the medical cot. Levi can already see the signs of his titan healing. The bruises remain, but the blood is gone, along with some of the lines around his eyes. It’s too dark to see the full extent of Eren’s injuries, but Levi suspects they've also healed some since he last saw him. 

According to the brief snippets of conversations floating around the base, Eren hasn’t been completely lucid since he was in Levi’s arms. Levi isn’t exactly sure what happened to Eren out in the wilderness. He had seen him get swarmed by titans, but he hadn’t seen the telltale flash of lightning or hear the clap of thunder that came with Eren’s transformations into his titan form. 

Levi sighs and slumps into the chair behind him. They’re alone for now, but Levi suspects that whoever was in charge of watching over Eren will probably be by again sometime soon to check on him. He should probably go before they come back. All he really had wanted to do was make sure Eren was still alive, and he had done that. Levi still stays.

He observes Erens sleeping form for a few minutes before moving again. Levi scoots forward in the chair, before resting a hand on the bed next to Eren’s. He’s hesitant about the possibility of waking Eren, but the nagging thought in the back of his head won’t go away. He needs to make sure this is real, and not just some dream his mind made up to torture him with after he wakes. 

Levi lets his hand creep closer until his pointer finger gently brushes against the side of Eren’s hand. He watches for signs of awakening on the boy’s face but he doesn’t stir. Levi lets his hand turn over, and slip under where Eren’s rests gently against the bed. 

Levi curls his fingers more securely around Eren’s as the other comes up to rest on the top of their hands. He can feel Eren’s pulse thumping against the finger that rests on his pulse point. Levi breathes a sigh of relief, and rests his head on their entwined hands. Levi’s breaths slow, and sync with the breaths made by Eren. He should go soon...

Levi starts when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He bolts back in his chair, still tethered to Eren by their joined hands. 

“Uh, sir?” Armin looks down at him expectantly, then his gaze drifts to the bed and settles on Levi and Eren’s clasped hands. 

Levi clears his throat and slowly untwines their hands, “What are you doing here?”

“I volunteered to watch Eren overnight.”

Obviously. Levi had had the fleeting thought that someone would come around to check on Eren eventually, but it looks like he had dozed off. _Stupid_.

Levi stands, “Right. I’ll be going then.”

Armin steps back as Levi steps away from the chair, “You don’t have to go sir, I’m sure-,” he pauses and flushes, “I’m sure Eren would be glad to see you when he wakes up.” 

Levi can feel the heat in his face rise as he thinks back to Armin’s stare at his and Eren’s interlocked hands. He knows he shouldn’t stay, but he still thinks _what if_? Levi glances back at Eren. His chest rises and falls as steady as ever as his eyes flutter gently in sleep behind his eyelids. 

“You know, Eren never talks about what is going on between you two, but he doesn’t exactly try that hard to hide it.” Armin moves to sit on the edge of Eren’s bed, not looking at Levi, “I may not know all the details, but I do know that Eren cares about you. We all saw how you were the first person he had looked for when he came back. He didn’t even ask about Mikasa until he saw me.” 

Levi sits back down again. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit for Armin.” 

Armin’s head snaps up, confused, “Thank you, sir?”

Levi huffs a laugh as he rubs a hand across his face. “Frankly Armin, I don’t know what’s going on either. It doesn’t matter anyways.” 

“What do you mean?”

Levi drops his head back to rest against the back of the chair and closes his eyes. “Nothing will come of it either way.”

“Respectfully sir, I don’t believe there’s any, uh, rules about a relationship between a superior and a subordinate?” Armin pauses, “At least none I’ve heard of.”

Levi looks back up, and this time Armin is looking directly at him. He sighs, “No, there’s no written rules exactly. But, there’s an unspoken expectation. We let the little flings cadets have slip past us, but it's different when you’re not a cadet.” Levi looks away from Armin and back to Eren’s sleeping face, “Love makes you distracted, it makes you weak.” He looks away, “And when you’re weak, people die.” 

Eren’s faint breathing is the only sound that resonates in the immediate silence that follows. Levi doesn’t exactly know what Armin’s thinking, but he never really does anyways. Levi was stupid to come here, and even more stupid to stay. The cadet stays silent for only a few beats longer. 

“Love?”

Levi freezes, he hadn’t even realized exactly what he had said. Crap, he needs to leave before he says something even more idiotic to Armin. Levi stands and pushes the chair away from the bed. 

“Sir?”

“I was never here.”

“But sir?!”

Levi stops halfway across the room, and turns to find Armin standing beside Eren’s bed. “You won’t mention this to anyone, ever. I was never here, understood cadet?” It comes out harsher than Levi intends it to. 

Armin startles before squeaking a weak, “ _Yessir_.”

Levi turners back and walks out of the infirmary, creeping silently through the halls back towards his office.

 _Love, what an impossible notion_.

* * *

Levi doesn’t go back to the infirmary, no matter how much he wants to. He throws himself into his work in an effort to forget about Eren, and spends the next few days in meetings with Erwin planning scouting missions, only leaving his office to grab something from the mess hall. 

It’s on one such trip that Levi next hears news about Eren. Actually, he hears _him_. There, sitting at a table with his back to Levi, is Eren. He’s talking to Armin and Mikasa, and gesticulating wildly. 

Levi can’t do this right now. It’s been days since his midnight chat with Armin, and yet his mind is still reeling. He’d been using work as a way to avoid thinking about what exactly he had been feeling for Eren. 

Levi stands frozen a few feet from the doors, a cup of tea in hand. He can only see the back of Eren’s head and some of his side profile as he turns to talk to Mikasa. Levi stands as still as a statue and watches him until he notices Armin look up, and they lock eyes across the room. The resulting lull in Armin’s conversation leads to the rest of the group turning around to see what Armin is staring at. 

Levi can’t look anywhere other than Eren’s face. The lines under his eyes and the bruising on his face are completely gone. He looks just as shocked to see Levi standing there staring at him as Levi is. 

He should definitely leave, but all he can do is watch as Eren swings a leg over the bench and stands. Eren gets halfway across the room before Levi snaps back. He quickly turns, sets the cup of tea on a nearby table, and retreats from the mess hall. 

He’s only a few feet away from the door when he hears it open behind him. Levi speeds up. 

“Captain Levi!”

Levi doesn’t turn around, even as he hears Eren’s steps get closer. However, he is forced to stop when a hand clasps around his upper arm. He whips around, “ _What_?”

 _He can’t do this_. 

Eren looks taken aback by Levi’s outburst. A flash of pity flashes across Eren’s face as Levi wrenches his arm out of his grasp. 

“I just haven’t seen you since I got back.”

 _He needs more time_. 

“What of it?” 

Eren’s brows cinch into a frown and he takes a few steps closer. Levi mirrors him, and takes a few steps back. “Armin told me you came to see me in the infirmary.”

 _He can’t let his emotions get ahead of him_. 

“He did what?” Levi growls out. 

“When I woke up a few days ago, he asked if you had come back yet. I told him I haven't seen you, and that’s when he told me. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you since before the infirmary.”

 _That was the point_. 

Levi stays silent as Eren finishes. Eren comes to the conclusion all on his own, “Have -” He pauses, “Have you been avoiding me?”

 _Yes_. 

Eren’s confusion morphs into hurt as Levi stays silent. 

“Why?”

 _Because I can’t be weak_. 

“Even if I was, I don’t think it’s any of your concern.”

“None of my concern?” Eren throws his arms up in exasperation, “It directly concerns me Levi! Whatever I did I’m sorry okay? I -” He steps closer, holding his hand out like he might spook Levi, “I’m sorry that I ran into that, but i couldn’t just standby and watch them overwhelm you.”

“Why do you care?”

“What?”

Levi cracks, “Why the hell do you care so much?! God, did you even care about what would happen to yourself? You ran into a hoard of fucking titans Eren!”

“So, you’re avoiding me because I endangered myself?! Levi, we’re scouts, that’s what we do.”

Levi groans and rubs his hands down his face, and glances around. The previously empty hallway had begun to fill with onlookers. He couldn’t do this right now, not here. Levi turns back to Eren, “Whatever.”

He doesn’t listen to what Eren shouts after him as he storms down the hallway.

* * *

Days go by as Levi continues to slink around the compound. He spends all of his time on mission reports and strategy meetings, all the while trying to bury the emotions swirling in his chest. He’s sitting in his office when there’s a knock on his door. 

Levi looks up as he says, “Come in.” The door opens, and Armin steps into the room. Levi is only a _little_ surprised to see him standing there. 

“What is it, cadet?”

Armin steps forward until he’s only a few feet in front of his desk. “It’s Eren, sir.”

Levi looks back down at his reports and starts writing again, “What about him?”

“He’s not himself, sir.”

“And why are you talking to me about it?”

Levi can see Armin sit down in the chair in front of his desk out of the corner of his eye. “Well, I thought - ,” He starts over, “It started after Eren talked to you in the hallway. I think there’s something going on between you guys.”

Levi stops writing, looks up and raises an eyebrow.

Armin visibly swallows and says, “And I think you should fix it?” It comes out as more of a question than a statement, and he continues before Levi can respond, “He’s been acting off. All he does is train, or throw himself into experiments with Hange. Eren comes back with cuts and bruises more often than not, and I’m afraid he’s trying to work himself into the ground. I’m afraid that he’s planning on doing something stupid.” Armin’s hand comes up to rub the back of his neck sheepishly as he reconsiders, “Well, intentionally more stupid than what he’s already done.”

Levi’s irritation morphs into worry. If Eren’s been transforming into his titan form over and over for several days, it’s definitely grounds to be concerned. Even though he’s had a lot of training time, there’s no way his body can keep going the way he’s pushing it. 

Armin continues, “I’m sorry if I’m overstepping sir, but I’ve thought about what you said in the infirmary. I’m not privy to the details of your and Eren’s relationship, nor have I had much experience with things like that, but I don’t think you’re right sir.”

Levi is taken aback, “Right about what?”

Armin looks up, a small sliver of confidence returning to his features, “Love sir.”

Levi’s face heats up uncharacteristically, “I thought I told you to put that conversation to rest cadet.”

“I know sir, but I think you’re wrong. To care so much about someone, to think about them every second of the day when you aren’t with them. Letting a piece of yourself live in another person, letting yourself lean on them, and them on you; I don’t think that love makes you weak, sir, I think it makes you incredibly strong.”

Levi hadn’t intentionally used that word when he was talking to Armin before, it had just slipped out, as if breaking free from Levi’s subconscious. He’s terrified of the notion, always has been. As Levi grew up, he had alienated himself from his feelings. Living in the Underground didn’t provide one many experiences for genuine, caring emotions, and now, there was no space in war for feelings, not when people left and never came back, or died.

Levi is pulled out of his thoughts again by Armin, “I’m sorry if I overstepped sir.”

Levi waves him off, “It’s fine Armin.” He sits up in his chair again and places his elbows on his desk, clasping his hands in front of his face. 

“Does that mean you’ll talk to him?”

Levi looks up at the cadet, “Don’t push it Arlert.”

Armin jumps up, and leaves with a quiet, “ _Yessir, sorry sir_.”

Levi slumps back in his chair as the door closes behind Armin. He’s such a fool, Armin is right, no matter how much Levi wants to ignore it. Levi’s already ignored his feelings for so long. He knows he does have feelings for Eren, and he’s pretty sure Eren feels the same way. Well, maybe he felt the same way. Levi isn’t sure if all of his pouting and silent treatment have changed the cadet’s feelings toward him. 

Levi runs a hand down his face. He really fucked this up didn’t he.

* * *

Levi’s retribution comes a day later in the form of seeing Eren sitting next to the commander at one of the conference tables as he walks into an emergency meeting. He freezes in the door as he catches sight of the cadet explaining something to Erwin as he scratches some lines on a piece of paper. 

Erwin looks up first, “Levi, you’re here. Good, we can get started.” 

Levi sits hesitantly in the chair at the front of the table. ‘What’s this about?”

Erwin starts to explain as Eren gathers up the loose papers on the table, “Eren believes he has a theory about the titan attack from our last tracking mission.” 

Levi looks up at Eren, whose expression is unreadable as he picks up from where Erwin left off, “I think that the abnormal was somehow controlling the rest of the lesser titans.”

That gets Levi’s attention, “What?”

Eren nods, “During the attack, I watched you go after the abnormal while the other titans were engaged by the outer ranks. It was then that they turned away from the rest of us and tried to rush after you.”

Levi remembers how he had looked back, only to see the other titans on his heels. He hadn’t even noticed until Eren had shown up to distract them 

“You think that the abnormal somehow signaled them to come after me to protect it?”

“I do, and I think that maybe I can figure out a way to do the same. I’ve been doing experiments with Hange and they also think that it’s a possibility.” 

Levi remembers what Armin had told him in his office. He had said that Eren was doing experiments and coming back worse for wear. Levi speaks up, “How would we know you can?”

“We won’t know for sure until Eren goes out and tries it on actual titans.”

Levi’s head snaps to Erwin, “Absolutely not.”

It’s Eren who responds, “Levi, it’s the only way to find out if I can actually do it.”

Levi stands from his chair and leans across the table, “I am not letting you risk your life on-, on a _hunch_.” 

“If this works, it could change literally everything. If I can figure out how to do this it could save countless lives, it could change our entire approach to titan interactions!” 

“No, Eren. It’s reckless is what it is.”

Erwin speaks up, “Eren has a point, Levi. In this case, a power like that would be extremely valuable.”

“So you’re just going to let him throw himself to the wolves? Along with the other scouts we’d have to send in order for him to even have a chance at attempting this?”

Eren turns to face Levi head on, “I’ve already thought about this Levi. I’m not as stupid as you think I am. I’m going alone.”

Levi stops, short of breath. “What.”

“We agreed that it would be best if Eren attempts this away from any scouts or current camps in case something goes wrong,” Erwin says. 

Levi throws out a condescending laugh, “So this is what we’re doing. It’s already decided. Why the hell did I even come here then?” 

“Because I asked for you to.” Levi’s head snaps to where Eren stands. 

“You-” Levi trails off. 

Erwin fills the space, “Eren thought that we should consider your opinions on the validity of his theory, and any thoughts you had before we went ahead with this.” 

Levi turns back to Eren as he speaks, softer this time, “I need to do this Levi. It could change everything, and you know that.”

Levi stands still as Eren rounds the table. It’s the closest they’ve been since Eren grabbed his arm in the hallway. 

“Why?” The question slips out before Levi can stop it.

“What?”

Levi’s response comes out Even quieter than his previous question, “Why does it always have to be you?”

Eren’s mouth gapes as he tries to search for the words to answer.

Levi’s face morphs into something unreadable, and both Eren and Erwin watch as he kicks his chair back, and walks calmly out of the room. He needs to go punch something.

* * *

Eren’s fist connects with the table as he turns around. Erwin looks up from his notes, unimpressed, “You can’t read too much into that Eren, Levi doesn’t always say what he means.”

“And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

Erwin sighs, “It means, plainly speaking, that you could say he’s not very in touch with his emotions most of the time.”

Eren scoffs, “You could say that.” He turns back towards the door, “I don’t even know why he’s so upset over this. I just wish he would at least talk to me.” 

Erwin stands, collecting the papers from the table, “With Levi, it’s not so much what he says persay, as why he says it. If you can figure that out, it’s all you’ll ever need to know.” Erwin leaves after that. 

Eren stares at the closed door, lost in thought, and makes up his mind.

* * *

Levi slams his fists one after the other into the training dummy, his ragged breaths blending with the _thunk_ of each of his hits. He’s dressed only in pants and a thin shirt, but sweat still drips down his face as he pounds his frustrations out. 

Eren just had to be a part of that meeting, he just had to suggest that stupid plan, and Erwin just had agreed with him. Levi throws another right hook before stepping away.

He shakes out his hands as he paces in front of the training dummy. His mind was a mess. Even more of a mess then after his last conversation with Armin. This whole thing with Eren was going nowhere. Levi couldn’t even keep it together when they were in each other’s presence. He always ended up yelling at Eren, or storming off, or both. 

The creak of a door causes Levi to whirl around, his fists flying into a defensive position on instinct. 

He points at Eren, “Don’t.”

“Levi please!”

“No.”

“We need to talk about this.”

“Absolutely not.”

“What are you so afraid of Levi?” Eren’s becoming more exasperated by the second, and he steps closer.

“Stop.”

“I don’t understand. Ever since that mission, things have been so off between us. We haven’t fought this much since I was a new cadet.” He raises a hand to run through his hair, “What is it Levi? Do you need to hit me or something? Is that what it is, is that why you’re here?”

Levi is getting angrier by the second, but Eren doesn’t seem to care as he continues, “I can’t read your mind Levi! You need to tell me what's going on. You’re ‘humanity’s strongest’, what could you be so afraid of -”

“STOP!” Levi grabs the front of Eren’s shirt and practically shouts in his face, “Just shut up okay?! _I can’t lose you again!_ ” He feels Eren take in a sharp breath. “I-” Levi stops when Eren’s hands move to rest on his shoulders.

Levi looks up at Eren’s face, but the cadet doesn’t say anything. Eren moves his hands from Levi’s shoulders to cup his face. He draws Levi closer but stops a hair’s breadth away from his lips. Levi can feel the younger boy’s breath ghosting across his lips. 

Eren’s gaze flicks from Levi’s lips to his eyes, and back down again. Levi’s breath hitches as Eren finally closes the distance between then. 

The kiss is soft, just a careful press of their lips. Their lips brush tentatively, and Levi can feel the other boy’s eyelashes butterfly kiss his cheek. 

They pull back, but only a few centimeters, still breathing in each other’s space. Levi keeps his eyes closed as Eren’s thumbs stroke over his cheeks. Eren leans forward and kisses the space under Levi’s eyes, and then gently guides him back in. 

Their lips connect again and Levi wraps his arms around Eren’s neck, pulling him closer. Eren shuffles forward, their lips still connected, until Levi’s back hits the nearest wall. Levi gasps into Eren’s mouth, and Eren deepens the kiss. 

The gentle brushes turn into desperate, bruising, kisses. Eren licks into Levi’s mouth, and groans as Levi slots his thigh between Eren’s legs. Levi pushes back into the kiss with just as much fervor. 

Eren’s hands migrate from Levi’s face to slide down his chest and settle on his hips. Levi pulls back for breath, and Eren kisses his way down Levi’s cheek to his neck. He nips at the skin, then soothes the bites with his tongue. Eren sucks at a spot just under Levi’s jaw, next his ear, and Levi gasps into the room. 

He fists his hands into Eren’s hair and pulls him back up to his lips. Eren follows the guide of his hands and kisses him, sucking gently on Levi’s bottom lip as he pulls back. 

Their panting echoes in the silence of the training room. Arms still tightly wrapped around each other, they stand in silence. Eren shifts a hand from Levi’s hips back up to his face. 

Levi’s eyes open and connect with Eren’s as the cadet speaks, “You don’t want me to go, because you care about me.” It’s not a question, but even if it was, Levi wouldn’t deny it. 

One of Levi’s hands slips from the nape of Eren’s neck to grip the wrist of the hand on his own cheek. He nods. 

Eren’s face breaks into a gentle smile. He leans in again to kiss the captain gently, and Levi leans into it, closing his eyes. Eren pulls away, “I love you too.”

Levi’s eyes fly open. Eren still looks back at him with that gentle smile. Levi’s mouth gapes open and shut, his head empty, but it’s like he’s still trying to say something. 

Eren’s smile grows softer, “It’s okay, I already know, you don't have to say it.”

Levi can only wrap both arms around Eren’s neck and pull him back into a kiss before tucking his face into his shoulder. Eren returns the embrace, both arms wrapping around Levi’s waist. They stay locked together until the patter of footsteps sound outside, causing them to pull back. 

A scout peeks their head into the door, and catching sight of Levi says, “Captain, Commander Erwin is looking for you, he’s in your office.”

Levi nods his assent to the cadet, who scurries away, closing the door behind him. Levi turns back to Eren, who’s still looking after the scout. He steps closer, bringing Eren’s attention away from the door, “I have to go.” Levi sinks into the arms Eren wraps around his waist. 

“I know.”

Levi looks up, brushing a hand across the side of Eren’s face before hesitating, “I love you.” 

Eren’s eyes widen, his hands barely gripping Levi’s sides. Levi smiles slightly before leaning in to give one last chaste kiss before stepping away from Eren. He collects his jacket from the floor and leaves the training room. Without even looking back, he knows that Eren watches him leave. 

Levi rounds the corner of the hallway, he already feels stronger.

**Author's Note:**

> Any kudos or comments are greatly appreciated, thanks for reading!


End file.
